Is This Food From The Dollar Store?
Listen, we don’t mean to sound like we are disparaging knock-off overstock foodstuffs undesirable at full retail price. Regardless of mounting evidence, we don’t really believe that the growth of Dollar Stores are signs of an impending municipal apocalypse or a high concentration of overweight, under-educated, highly religious people. Ignoring all signs of looming disaster is what we call ‘having a modern pragmatic worldview’. However, we do believe Dollar Stores are a great source of cheese curls and things made with giant machines that have tiny extruders in factories that haven’t been looked at by safety officials since the Reagan era.
If your dream is cramming bags of corn-based glycerin products given names that are just puns of the name brand then do we have a treat for you today here on the ninth day of Catmas.
TWELVE DAYS OF CATMAS – PRESENTED BY CATBAGZ.COM
This stuff is the stuff of legends. When you hear about sticky ribbon candy you dream of rolled up in pocket lint and stuck together in an old china dish. Gross old people candy for a real steal of $8 a pound.
IT’S BIMBO DUPLEX! The sandwich cookie with a crude name that sounds like a housing complex full of loose women! Oreo’s brother from another factory, these villainous shelf-stable cream sandwiches have stolen our hearts and a place on the Dollar Store shelf next to the utterly destroyed Chips Ahoy and those greasy pecan spiral snack cakes.