This Season Blows Until It Sucks
Today we’re featuring something you could really use after the holiday. When you’re done opening your gifts, gobbling your turkey, horfing the ham, and doing whatever it is you do for your regional holiday, turn on the gigantic, mobile suck-vac of your choice and just mulch your dinner into a gross canvas bag.
TWELVE DAYS OF CATMAS – PRESENTED BY CATBAGZ.COM
Suck the remnants of your holiday cheer until they become a meaty glitter with the WORX TRIVAC 12 AMP 3-IN-1 ELECTRIC BLOWER/MULCHER/VACUUM. Everything else just sucks less. That isn’t their byline but it probably should have been. We’re big fans of number-in-1 products. The bigger the number, the better. Can this compete with the MAXI-MATIC 3-IN-1 MULTI-FUNCTION MOTHERFUCKING BREAKFAST CENTER? Maybe they can team up to become the WORXI-MATIC 6-IN-1 SEVERAL-FUNCTION MOTHERFUCKING BREAKFAST-SUCKING INSURANCE DISASTER.
We’ve seen these in use and there is no way that the non-backpack vacuum should have ever existed. Like, as soon as someone said “You know what sucks most about our vacuums?” and then the laughter died down, someone should have responded with “THE CORD, THE FACT THAT IT HAS TO BE TETHERED TO THE WALL WHILE YOU HAVE TO WANDER AROUND AN OPEN ROOM, THE FUCKING REST OF IT.” followed by some somber reflection..