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Let the Power of General Consensus Compel You

May The Power of General Consensus Compel You (to Buy a God Damn Cat Bag)

General Consensus is a Democratic pie full of your neighbors and, probably, some Russian trolls.

Listen – I’m not gonna pull your leg on this one. I’m not screwing around. This isn’t another one of my elaborate ruses set up to bilk you of your hard earned currencies.

We went underground. Not in that weird drug mule kind of way, although Theodore hasn’t been quite right and it is possible he’s stuffed full of 100% pure Colombian tied off in rubber gloves.

We went silent to devote our mind and soul to blowing the lid off of some solid product for you, the general public and/or Russian box troll. Both of those kinds of people will love the crap we’re dumping – mindfully – on your front doorstep after banging on your door and waking up your baby.

First things first and other transitionals – we built an affiliate website that sells bumperstickers and – uh – other stuff on Zazzle.com, a website we now associate with. Very loosely associate with. If we were at a party, we’d shuffle our asses up to Zazzle.com, introduce ourselves to his friends, and everyone would find somewhere else to be.

Second, we started dumping swag out onto Zazzle.com in what I’d like to term a “cross-sale” but others might call “desperation”. This includes the following:

Attach this to your shit mortals.

A Sweet Ass Button

A Bad Ass Bumper Sticker

A bad ass rendition of Cat Napoleon Bonaparte

Whatever the fuck kind of greeting card this is.

And…. whatever the fuck kind of greeting card this is

Third – and I say this with some great apprehension – we opened a YouTube Account. I heard you can make pretty good scamola money doing the video game streaming (and I get to act like a big dumb pirate to the internet). Maybe we’ll record our kids recent Calico Critter obsession. That’ll bring some necessary complexities to this otherwise banal desolation of the human spirit.

Well, I think that about covers all the topics we aren’t too embarrassed to talk about and that’s saying something. We’re just gonna get back to keeping the lights on this lighthouse, guarding against other e-commerce boats trying to buy things from China and ending up stuck on a rock that is a loose metaphor for poor sales performance.

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