July 29, 2021
Stop What Yer Doin' Cause I'm About to Ruin the Image and the Style of Your Hand Bags

Stop What Yer Doin’ Cause I’m About to Ruin the Image and the Style of Your Hand Bags

Before This Year Ends, We Wanted to Make Some Things Clear

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, besides being the name I give to the man when he is hasslin’ me what like at the airport all the time, is also the name of a guy who has said some stuff. Particularly, Saint Whatever once said:

“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”

This is topical because let me tell you, there are quite a few things with nothing left to take away:

  1. The election of Donald J. “The J is for JESUS CHRIST WHAT DO I DO NOW I DID NOT EXPECT TO WIN” Trump.
  2. Our dignity.
  3. Our testicles.
  4. This site. Specifically, we’re out of cat bags.
  5. The year of our lord 2016.

And nothing could be more perfect than the achievement of ditching nearly all of our cat bags. It really takes a village. Actually, it takes a sizable chunk out of our sanity and a lot of late nights at the office.

Not to say there will never be more cat bags. We saved that for this sentence. There will probably not ever be more cat bags.

Just to be precise, we are about 80% sure we’ll never ever EVER EVER have a cat bag in stock again. That still leaves 20%, which is roughly the chance that a loony orange being made of molded silly putty could be elected as president of the mostly-human United States. 20% is the chance that, given this year to do it all over again, we’d still make the same decisions that lead us to this point. 20% is about the chance that any of us are going to make a mistake, look at it, analyze it between thumb and fore-finger, and do it again.

We’re probably not going to do this again. But it was fun while it lasted, right? 2016 was like a night out at a bar where you stay out just a bit too long and end up vomiting in the floorboard of a strangers car. Ugh, that was awful, but maybe… and hey, this stranger was nice enough to let you do that kind of thing, maybe… oh we’re in a knife fight now how exciting, maybe… and now we’re homeless eating beans out of bowls carved from animal remains. Great job.

I guess what we’re trying to say is, 2016 may have been utterly, incomprehensibly horrific, so much so that you lost faith in humanity, in your countryman, in your flesh and blood. You may have lost one or several loved ones, pets, limbs, or organs. You may have lost your dignity, your pride, your ability to procreate with strangers in the night, or several of your dollar bills. You may have lost your will to live.

But several people out there gained a cat bag.

In the words of Mister deSade-Exupéry –

“I don’t understand. In the future you can talk to anyone in the world through a magical machine in your living room and you spend all that time lying to each other? Screw this crap, I’m gonna go die fighting the Nazis.”

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