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THE FREAKIN’ CAT BAGS ARE HERE!

FREAKIN' CAT BAGS ARE HERE MAN! THE WHOLE REASON FOR OUR EXISTENCE HAS ARRIVED!

I CAN’T EVEN FREAKIN’ BELIEVE IT!

Were you alive during the moon landing? Or when the cold war ended (the one like, several cold wars ago. Before you had Facebook and Twitter to bitch on all the time)?

No? Ok, maybe you remember when Fabio killed a bird with his freakin’ face? Or when Pokemon was first invented?

Alright, fine, do you remember when Donald Trump was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize? Cause that was, like, several days ago.

Well this blows all of those things out of the water.

We have cat bags in stock now. We’ll send them to you. I swear we will. You can look at them. Browse them using your God-given right to see stuff with your eyes. Don’t browse for too long or they might sell out.

Also, feel free to exercise your right to purchase stuff. Glinda Bridgforth’s book, Girl, Get Your Credit Straight!, describes “retail therapy” as a pastime that, perhaps, you may not have the funds to engage in. Well guess what, sister (or brother, I won’t judge. Sexism is not a skill that pays bills), these bags are relatively affordable*. I just saved you the cost of having to read that book (roughly $15, which is enough to purchase a cat bag. Just a reminder).

Just look at these things. They’re darling. Here I am, right here, front and center:

Scooter the Cat Icon
Scooter the Cat Bag

If your wallet isn’t salivating at the thought of owning a cat bag, then you need a new wallet. One with a cat face on it. Look at this one! It makes me think of Ron Swanson.

Smokey the Cat Tote
Smokey the Cat Bag Says: I hate all of this, which means it’s probably good for your business.

I could talk this up for days. Literal, actual movement of the earth around the sun, revolving and rotating, until one of us starves to death or you buy a cat bag. Instead, I’m just gonna let you go shop. Trust me. One of us is leaving here down a few bucks, it may as well be you, because I’d rather it not be me.

 

*CatBagz.com is, on average, 90% cheaper than most major purse-based retail outlets. Including these hideous monsters on sale at TJ Maxx.

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