July 29, 2021
Britain is trying to Brexit all over my Breakfast.

Britain is Trying to Leave the European Union

…and I’m Just Trying to Get to Work on Time.

So here I am, it’s Monday, I’m trying to get across this stupid road without being hit by any cars, and come to find out Britain is looking to perform a complicated maneuver known as a “Brexit” from the left-hand lane of the unified solidarity highway, careen off a right-hand exit onto unstable nationalism turnpike, and hurdle toward route uncertain-but-probably-likely fascist-totalitarian-hegemonic-monarchy. I mean, I think that’s what they’re doing. They might just taking  quick whizz and then they’ll get back on the road so they make good time.

Usually, secession from a union rarely goes well. However, this is Britain, so maybe they’ll form a nice queue as they leave. For Greece, this must feel like the part of the intervention where their family members storm away, vowing never to return. For Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania, this must feel like when your adoptive parents start sleeping in separate rooms and you start staring wistfully out the window where your prior adoptive parent is riding a variety of animals and minerals. For Scotland, this is Monday and will remain so for the next several hours.

Not to be one of “those people” and only talk about us, but lets talk about us. Lets talk about the US. 2 years ago, 1/4th of America wanted their state to secede from the union, with the area around Vermont filling in the “least likely” bubble because its hard to float 600,000 people on a Gross Domestic Product based on tiny ice cream buckets. Texas, of course, bubbled “most likely”, although I’m sure this includes counts of people who wrote in their vote as “What is an union?” and Austin, which continues to be divvied up like a choice heifer. Of note, although the graph seems to indicate the Rocky Mountain states want to secede so hard they’re blue in the face, they’re really only off by 1% from the southeast, which may have been intrigued by the poll thinking the question was “Do you want Alabama and Mississippi to secede from the union?”

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