Let Me Show You the Sausage that the Last Six Years Made
Let me start this how everyone else starts these days – not being apologetic in the slightest.
Am I sorry I haven’t posted in nearly a full calendar year? No.
Am I sorry I don’t have any good deals for you in the lead up to Black Friday? No.
Is anyone sorry that sacrifices had to be made so that social media could finally transcend being about you and instead being an uncomfortable “wandering-a-flea-market-run-by-aggressive-but-sexy-sales-robots” experience?
Now that any potential opportunity for self-reflection has been dashed, lets talk about how weird art has become as a reflection of our times. You do remember how art is sort of a canary in the coal mine for societal health? I mean, look at this thing.
Nothing says “We’re Experiencing Societal Difficulties” than a fucking screaming horse.
The problem is that human-rendered art has been totally steamrolled by a mixture of Thomas Kinkade and Lisa Frank. If it isn’t going to sell a trapper keeper or a tiny Christmas village, no one is making it anymore. Instead, we have to look to the Picasso of our times: Taylor Swift and a couple of fucking YouTube stars.
Taylor Swift says everyone is a sexy baby and I’m still trying to mentally digest this.
Ok. Ok. Ok ok ok. I get it. Taylor Swift said her bonkers song about introducing herself as a disaster is about self-damage habits like drinking benders and being unable to properly exit a conversation started in line at a Starbucks.
But what if it wasn’t. Like, if you pull these lyrics apart – who’s this really about?
but never in the mirror
I disguise as altruism
always rooting for the anti-hero
Pretty straightforward so far here right? Songs shitting on the worst Wonderland twin Deedle Trump basically write themselves. He remains a human toilet.
There is just one catch: Why the fuck are you talking about babies in this manner? Is this monster lusting after your favorite city?
Then she has a murderous daughter in law and some tea parties with some real assholes. This song joins the evidence of having 188 fucking entries on the Top 100 list as indicators its time for an working intervention.
There’s a song about dogs and frogs and it keeps playing on the normal radio
I went to go check on the lyrics from this song ‘Vegas’ by someone called Doja Cat (which I thought was maybe a furry Twitch Streamer) and it turns out it doesn’t talk about animals as much as I thought:
I’m a bad bitch, but (you ain’t nothin’ but a)
Dog, player, ah, get it
Fraud, player, ah, get it
I understand, I understand
You ain’t the man, you ain’t a man
(You ain’t nothin’ but a)
Hound dog, hound dog, hound dog
– Doja Cat (b. 1995), Vegas, 2022, Song from YouTube
Oh right, I thought that said you were both a dog and a frog but now I realize you are maybe just a fraudulent hound. I admit – my original understanding was pretty weak but like what the fuck is your problem with misleading canines?
That song definitely does not start ‘It’s Fat Bitch O’Clock‘
The actual lyrics are ‘It’s Bad Bitch O’Clock’ but then it becomes “Thick-Thirty” and now its off the fucking rails:
“Is everybody back up in the buildin’?“
Yes, they made us show back up at work.
“In a minute I’ma need a sentimental Man or woman to pump me up“
Like a Hummel figurine?
“Feeling fussy, walkin’ in my Balenci-ussy’s”
-Ussy is not a Latin suffix, but Urban Dictionary has some shit to say on the matter. This only causes uncomfortable thoughts about your shoe’s genitalia.
“‘Cause I give a fuck way too much I’ma need like two shots in my cup“
“Uh, bitch, I might be better“
Debatable. However, it is about damn time for this blog post to be over.
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