If Amazon Associates Won’t Have Us, Ebay Will
So, to kick off this relationship that will absolutely leave one of us disappointed and the other CatBagz.com, lets present:
TWELVE DAYS OF CATMAS – PRESENTED BY CATBAGZ.COM
This is listed as handcrafted soap made by a company called Humphrey’s Handmade. It may or may not be made of actual monkey paw or monkey parts. The ingredients (if you believe that sort of thing) are listed as:
Glycerine soap, argan oil, calendula extract, sunflower extract, aloe leaf extract, “Essential Oil”
That essential oil? You fuckin’ know its monkey oil dude.
Oh dude look at this real deal. If you rub this monkey paw and wish for stuff it will probably come true BUT WITH A CRAAAAAZY TWIST!
Theodore asked for a couple of corn beef sandwiches AND HE GOT A BUNCH OF BEEF COVERED IN CORN AND WEDGED BETWEEN TWO SANDY WOMEN WHO WERE VERY ANGRY (WE COULDN’T TELL IF HE SAID SAM-WITCHES OR SUM-BITCHES)
Ted asked for a way out of this dreadful existence AND HE CONTINUED TO LIVE BUT THE NEARBY FIRE DOOR DID POP OPEN WITHOUT ALARMING THE WALMART WE WERE VISITING (WE DID CURBSIDE PICK UP CAUSE WE AREN’T GROSS!)