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Excerpt from a Medical Ethics Committee

The good doctor was already under investigation for her No Vroom-Vroom-atosis Diagnosis.

Regarding One Doctor McStuffins, M.D.

We have reviewed a great number of ethical and moral case reviews during our tenure in this office, but nothing has prepared us for the gross negligence and incompetence that has been reported as a result of the actions of Doctor ‘Doc’ McStuffins.

We want to review the following specific complaints during this tribunal:

Gross Lack of Adherence to HIPAA Standards

Several, if not all, of your patient diagnostic proceedings were not only overseen by several animated, quasi-sentient beings, but it has been reported that you announce, or in some extreme cases, sing your diagnostic findings to an imaginary audience.

We refer to the Minimum Necessary chapter of our HIPAA Guidelines:

A covered entity must develop policies and procedures that reasonably limit its disclosures of, and requests for, protected health information for payment and health care operations to the minimum necessary.

We find your actions at fault for breaking this clause of our guidelines. At no time, nor in any environment or situation, is the act of informing a self-appointed health care professional hippopotamus regarding the care and diagnosis of your patients an acceptable effort.

Usage of Unaccepted Medical Texts

Many of your diagnoses have been made utilizing what has been reported as “The Big Book of Boo-Boos”, which, in addition to not being a generally accepted source of medical diagnoses, is not a medical text in the least. Several of the pages in this book appear to be authored by yourself and contain no actual text but instead crude crayon drawings of illnesses. As a result of this, you will be provided with another set of approved material. Additionally, you will be required to attend several training seminars on proper professional and doctor/patient interactions.

Unacceptable and Highly Speculative Medical Procedures

Of the several complaints we’ve had to our offices, the following specific cases of inappropriate Medical procedure are the most disturbing:

On October 13th, 2014, you allowed a stuffed bear who, beyond being dressed like a doctor, lacked any official medical license to perform several diagnosis sessions and medical procedures in your stead. This included a session where you left for a recreational game of mini-golf while said bear encountered an indescribably animated plastic dragon facing a life-threatening medical emergency. While your ability to remotely diagnose the issue, albeit crudely through the use of a toy shortwave radio, is laudable, you demonstrated severe lack of judgement in all cases.

On February 14, 2014, during off-hour recreation, you physically assaulted another ‘being’. Regardless of fault, it is policy that our medical staff cannot treat injuries caused by their own personal actions. Additionally, your diagnosis of Broken-leg-atosis is, at best, a grossly puerile and potentially dangerous fantasy. Due to this occurring during non-work hours and off company property, your request for Workers Compensation coverage has been denied.

Conclusion

The motion to suspend your medical license immediately has been upheld. You are allowed to file for an appeal of this decision but I would strongly advise that you find other means of work for your defense would be laughable at best.

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