Looking Like You Own The Place Is Good Advice If You Aren’t At McDonalds
Hey Theo, do you see what I am seeing?
Theo. Wake up Theo.
…What is it Ted?
Take a look at this thing I’m looking at.
What Ted. All I see is a guy.
Yes, I, too, see a man. But look at what he is wearing.
Well, lets see. Hes got a hat on, one of those backwards ballcap wearing guys, and a shirt. I bet it has something on it, like ‘What Is It That You Do?’ and on the back it has some smug ‘Cause I Recycle’ or something on it. Pre-faded, you know. Reversible. Ugh, Ted, I’m going back to sleep.
Theo. LOOK. Look at what is going on with his feet.
Is he missing them or something? What could possibly have you all wound up like this. Oh…
Right? Look at THAT.
Oh… that is weird.
Theo, why is he doing that?
I don’t know. When you want to wear sandals, you want freedom from having to wear a bunch of other stuff on your feet, like socks. When you wear socks, you are prepared to wear something that is inherently uncomfortable to wear, unlike sandals.
Sure sure sure, I get all of that. I mean, I’ve never really been a sandal fan, but this is like gazing into the abyss and having the abyss wear khaki shorts and one of those heat activated shirts from the 80’s.
This is almost criminal. If I were an aspiring fashion design whose primary influence was dystopian novels from the early 20th century I’d call this flopcrime.
If I were a 80’s Southern rock band from Florida this single would be called Floppin’ With Disaster.
If we go back to sleep, maybe he’ll shuffle back into a Shoe Carnival.