July 29, 2021
Your helpful guide to being painfully unhelpful.

Aggressive Passivity: A Helpful Guide to Being Painfully Unhelpful

Push It To The Limit, Or Don’t, We Don’t Care

There is no worse place than to be stuck between apathy and finishing this sentence. Practicing Aggressive Passivity comes naturally to animals like cats but it proves extremely hard for those people who are seeking inner peace. First of all, seeking is a verb and we don’t do verbs. Also, you’ll never find that inner peace by drinking Peace Tea, whose logo is one finger off the Shocker and several more fingers off how much I like to drink before posting Horse Romance Novels for sale. Aggressive Passivity is apathy for apathetics on the stop.

The best way to illustrate some solid “Aggro-Passo” is to read the following click bait and meditate on how it makes you feel.

Melania Trump Just Announced Plans To Fight Cyberbullying And Drug Addiction

If you read that sentence at face value and believe that Melania is fighting her own addiction to cyberbullying and drug addiction and think Damn, that lady has had some good times. Don’t bother with shoes and disregard your socks, you’re aggressively passive just like a fox.

If you think I really need to donate to another super PAC to win 2020 back from these cretins. I’m sorry, you appear to be suffering from giving a good god damn. Apply liquor directly to the anus and read that line until you spend some time thinking about how they could have named her Millennium Trump like that space ship from Star Wars.

Here’s another:

Calorie Counts Are Now Mandatory On Menus And People Love/Hate It

If you read calorie counts, find the least amount on the menu, then just order some more lemon wedges and eat them, you’ve got a case of the passively optimistic – at best – if not flat-out aggressively treating the cold sores in your mouth. Order the two-for-one margarita, the bluer the better, and pass out on the interview couch when you get back to the office.

If you’re ordering double blooming onions, you’re still going to need to pass out on that interview couch but, my dude, you are in the passing lane to passive town. Next exit on the right, but feel free to not even bother.

One more:

Design A Luxury Home In Eight Steps And We’ll Tell You Which “Gilmore Girls” Man To Marry

God bless but get the fuck out of here.


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