July 29, 2021
Scooter Fears Birds

The Birds

Scooter Fears Birds

What are you doing? Are you not terrified? There are THINGS out there. They keep flying by the window. They keep looking in and seeing me and, for mere moments, looking into my soul.

The only thing scarier than birds are loud noises and quiet noises and the fact that Jerry Falwell had a son and named him Jerry Falwell, Jr.

I can’t move. I can’t stop looking at them looking at me with their weird little eyes. If it weren’t for Ted and Theodore taking up the entire cabinet under the sink for their disgusting menage-a-duo saliva baths I’d be so tightly wrapped around the drain pipe last nights lasagna would be decorating your ceiling.

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