We here at CatBagz.com – the feline purveyors of products inclusive of all incomes – are excited to launch a brand new product. We’re so excited, we hired an Artificial Intelligence Prompt Engineer to author a prompt to ChatGPT to write the announcement:
Introducing “Not Murdering You 12,500 Feet Under the Ocean”: A Remarkable Virtual Escape—Think About Not Being Murdered!
Explore the depths of your imagination with our mind-bending virtual experience. Picture a world where you can peacefully contemplate the concept of not being murdered 12,500 feet under the ocean. No actual risks, no physical dangers—just a safe and thought-provoking journey that unfolds within the boundaries of your mind.
Price: Simply described as “amazing.”
Immerse yourself in the realm of imagination and ponder the idea of not being subjected to any harm beneath the ocean’s depths. With “Not Murdering You 12,500 Feet Under the Ocean,” we invite you to embark on a truly extraordinary virtual adventure—where the only activity is reflecting upon a life free from the perils that lie beneath the waves. Step into a world of boundless possibilities and explore the serenity of contemplating your safety, all at an amazing price.
Please note: This service is entirely virtual and does not involve any real-world ocean travel, physical risks, or underwater expeditions. It exists solely as a thought-provoking experience within the confines of your own mind.
What a gem that little internet English major is. We even asked it to make a sweet product announcement banner by asking it for:
“A realistic image of a cat in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean with the Titanic in the background. The image has no letters, words, or text on it. The cat has a panicked look from inside the submarine. There are dollar bills falling from the sky and the submarine is on fire.”
It seems to be channeling a young and particularly sadistic Salvador Dali and avoiding most of our questions. Like someone who might have enticed a couple rich people into a metal tube to be murdered at the bottom of the ocean.
Anyway. For as little as $7.99, CatBagz.com is offering to not murder you beneath the briny depths of our harsh mistress the sea. This offer includes:
- Not cramming you and three other tweed-suit jackoffs into a tin can minivan
- Not dropping you 2.5 miles into total and complete darkness in a hostile environment full of the 100-year-old ghosts of rich people
- Not making you piss in a jug in front of everyone else in your group
- Not serving you any meals since this entirely terrestrial experience will not be over 5 minutes in length
- Not accidentally decompressing your ass like a watermelon full of spaghetti at a Gallagher show
- Not conducting extensive searches for you if you go missing
- Not paying for your step-son to grieve at a Blink-182 concert
- Not featuring in-depth, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week analysis of your embarrassingly grave failures in risk management to the human race at large
We will, however, give you this sweet-ass sticker:
Also, we can probably share with you a picture of what you’ll see down there without crushing you to death on the ocean floor:
All this for a total savings of $249,992.01. You can NOT afford to NOT take this deal which will NOT leave your children orphans and your spouses widows when someone sucks out all your organs through a previously undetected peephole in the zip-lock bag you have for a toilet.
About Post Author
