Drunk Cat Presents: Carousel of Drunk Products
I heard there was a new business in town called affiliate marketing. It’s like what if you took all the worst parts of Multi-Level Marketing and also the products weren’t worth it in the first place. Anyway, here is some shit I dredged up from the corner of the internet. Maybe it’ll jog your frog.
Alright I got you. You’re some rich shut in who was born with a silver spoon in his utensil drawer full of silver spoons cause your family is afraid of werewolves or whatever. You’ve had servants for your servants, you’ve got shoes for your shoes. You’ve never seen trash before because a full time adult follows you around with a broom that you had him legally marry on a whim when you were six. You want to see junk. You want to experience the trash what you’ve heard about in legend. You got around $25? You can buy the following items that we inventoried by looking at this image:
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Oh dang. I guess I misjudged you people. I never expect you to want children peeing on stuff in your house. I never expected you to want them to pee in an animals mouth. You’ve surprised me. You are truly blessed. Also the ad says its for “8 month to 6 years old children” but I know for a god damn fact that you plan on using this when you are too drunk to get out of bed. |
Self published music holds a sweet place in my heart. You got a demo you’re gonna sell me for $5 in the parking lot of Walmart? Yes please. Reggae Gospel is it? Just like the last 4. Perfect. Ralphe Lowe here, who might be a relative of Rob Lowe YOU NEVER KNOW, self-published this record (how the fuck do you even do that?) including classic airport-lounge-themed music like:
And a mystery song just called “Someone“. This may be the only copy of this poor man’s life work so maybe you should chip in the $4.99 then buy this turquoise monstrosity and give it a listen and then throw it in the trash. |
I’m no schlub. As long as I got dollars in my pocket and feet below my knees I’m allowed to be where ever I please and I’m making like Santa and leavin’ your presence.
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