September 23, 2021
Genesis 3-4: And The Lord Said "Let There Be CatBagz," And There Were CatBagz And He Saw It Was Alright At Best But Needed More Photoshop.

A Brief History Of CatBagz

Wherein We Answer The Question “Where Do Cat Bags Come From?”

When we meet people out and about, a great number of them ask questions. ‘What is this?’, ‘Why did you do this?’, ‘Do you need an adult?’ are all good examples, but nearly every time we meet someone, they ask:

‘Where did you get these great bags with cat faces on them?’

We’ve been asked this so many times, we’ve decided to write this small summary of where our cat bags came from.

The first thing to realize is that CatBagz are not manufactured or produced by human hands. In fact, it is theorized that all CatBagz that will ever be created already exist and have existed throughout time. This theory is supported by a great number of eye witness accounts referring to CatBagz, including references in ancient Sumerian texts and several Dead Sea Scrolls. One such account can be found nestled in the pages of Shakespeare’s great tragedy, Romeo and Juliet:

Peace, peace, Mercutio, peace.
Thou talk’st of nothing.

True, I talk of CatBagz,
Which are the children of an open pocketbook,

Scientists, anthropologists, historians, crack pots, and conspiracy theorists have all studied CatBagz – trying to unlock their mysterious origin, their distant history, and the sometimes sordid activities people partake in just to get their hands on a rare Max style cross body bag. We think Stephen Hawking said it best:

Mankind’s greatest achievements have come about by talking, and its greatest failures by not buying CatBagz when they are on sale.

-Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time

Napolean Bonaparte - Death Is Nothing But To Live Without CatBagz Is To Die Daily.
Napolean Was A Huge Fan

Cat bags show up throughout history. There have even been reports of them being recovered from the moon, but those reports have yet to be released from deep freezer storage at the NSA. There are some who believe the Falklands War was originally started due to some local school children finding a secret stash of cat bags stashed there after the fall of Nazi Germany in 1945.

In fact, prior to some interesting historical revision choices by modern educators, many signs point to CatBagz as being the primary reason for the split between Britain and the colonial Americas. The original quote of American revolutionary Patrick Henry was the following:

Patrick Henry - Give Me Catbagz Or Give Me Death!
CatBagz Presence During The Lives And Times Of The American Revolution

Truely, CatBagz have been with us through our darkest hours, our toughest times, our bleakest flea markets, and our most overpriced mom and pop shops. Today, we enlightened few who have been chosen to disperse these wondrous little furbags perform our duty with profound cause. As Thomas Jefferson said, speaking at one of the initial gatherings of CatBagz fans – CatBagzCon 1806:

Eternal Vigilence is the Price of a Cat Bag

We hope this little romp through the origins of CatBagz was both fun AND educational. If you’ve enjoyed it, please feel free to tip your guide and don’t forget, you can own your own cat bag – a veritable piece of human history, by purchasing it from the gift shop.

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