September 23, 2021 Presents - How To Use A Cat Bag Presents – How To Use A Cat Bag

We Think Your Cat Bag Usage Is Straight Up Lacking

We here at headquarters (here in beautiful downtown Florida, USA) got to thinking. Maybe we haven’t been super clear on what a Cat Bag is (it is a bag with a cat face on it). Maybe we haven’t been super clear on what you would even do with a cat bag.

Take a seat while we elaborate.

First of all, a cat bag is a container. Think of things like boxes or those plastic things Walmart uses to make sure you don’t just scatter your newly purchased fruits and vegetables all over their parking lot. Anything that can contain stuff is a container. The Titanic was a container until they put a hole in it and all of its contents (air and people) spilled out to be replaced with new contents (water and corpses). Cat bags and the Titanic are versatile containers.

Unlike the Titanic, drinking heavily and cruising around the arctic circle while carrying a cat bag is not going to directly lead to the death of 1,500 people. Your mileage may vary.

Alright, I’m feeling pretty good about comparing our flagship product, the cat bag, to another major flagship product of the 20th century, maritime disaster.

So the next thing you need to know about cat bags is that they are adorned in gorgeous cat faces. I’m talking, like, Adonis or Venus de Milo (pre-op) levels of beauty. One person, on viewing the Percy style Chain Bag commented: “Oh wow! That is actually pretty cute. I thought it would be creepy.” Another person commented “You bought how many of these? Who told you to do this?”

It is pretty obvious I was moved to do this through extra-terrestrial divine guidance. At least, that is what I’m going to put down on my taxes next year; 51% ownership – Yahweh. Panama Papers, please, I’ve got my treasures in heaven. This isn’t a tax avoidance scheme, I’m just giving shelter to my poor inventory so that it can give miraculous virgin birth to my messiah – Benjamin Franklin.

Anyway, that about wraps it up. A cat bag is effectively a miraculous cat-faced Titanic that actually floats in water. They’re darling, they’re daring, they’re yours for about twenty bucks.

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